Friday, December 20, 2013

Holy Shit: We're Behind

Catch-Up (July - Nov 2013, nov 2014)

Sameer:  Goddammit.  I would like to extend SteakMonthly's sincerest apologies to our readership (readership being me, Jeff and google analytics) for our lack of content/updates.  Rest assured, we are working to improve this site and your online experience.  As such, I am awarding this site a zero cow rating. As for the past few months, a quick recap with some vague recollections.

July - Benjamin's Steahouse - needs a suitable waiting bar area, but had some decent steak...maybe?  5 guys, 1 dessert = smuttier than it sounds

August - Wolfgangs on 33rd - my god.  This was several months ago yet the joy of the steak is still etched in my memory.  As is the "I don't give a fuck up about you" attitude of the host as he nonchalantly seated us 45+ minutes after our reservation.  I would sell each and every one of the SOTM club members into the European sex trade if it meant I could be considered a regular here and receive the kind of service one expects from basically any other normal restaurant in the city.

September - Striphouse - consistently a strong contender.  Don't let them try to fool you into thinking the front seating area is acceptable.  Maybe if your party consists of 3 anorexic models with no need for elbow room/table space.  Order the bacon.

October - Costata - new Michael White steakhouse.  Someone correct me, but I seem to recall 1 very good steak, 1 very mediocre steak and 1 very drunk Josh.

November - MarkJoseph - Most recent but all the steaks are blurring together in this review, so I have opted not to award cows unfairly.  I do remember this being excellent, if slightly geographically inaccessible to the rest of the city.  Group decision that we will try establishing some street cred by finding a regular steak spot going forward instead of a new joint every month.

November 2014 - Bowery Meat Company - New restaurant, with a crowd that talked more than it ate.  Every table seems to know each other, which is confirmed by a saunter and a kiss on both cheeks.   I don’t take it to be a good sign when the steak descriptions include a lot of imported foreign language words I am unfamiliar with.   It’s meat.  The animal has done a great deal of the work by living and dying.  The mushroom sauce-with-a-fancy-word seemed unnecessary given the nice fatty texture and flavor

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

BLT Prime: Only worth the popovers

BLT Prime (June 2013)

111 E 22nd St
New York, NY

Sameer: [zero cow] - Cowboy bone in rib eye (med rare), porterhouse (medium rare) - What the hell.  The vaunted "BLT" series of restaurants seem to get a lot of hype, but never delivers steak-wise.  Both cuts lacked flavor, both cuts were uninspired and both cuts we did not even feel like finishing.  The steak was not tender and kind of under-seasoned.  Nice char on both, but that only takes you so far in life.  In retrospect, I think I also agree with Jeff that we got the "porterhouse for 2 lite" version which must have shrunk in the dryer.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Prime & Beyond: A lesson in overeating

Prime & Beyond (May 2013)

90 E 10th St
New York, NY

SameerDry aged porterhouse (rare), wet aged rib-eye (medium rare), dry-aged lamb, some other meats - Some preamble that I am going to bullet point to make it easier:

1) very comprehensive steak list - actually forced us to research wet vs. dry aging.  Dry aging wins.
2) interesting concept fusing some korean influence, run by two asians, Q (NJ location) and his brother Kevin for NY.
3) great ambiance and staff (not reflected in the cow rating), very outside the normal "steakhouse" vibe

The steaks overall did not actually blow me away.  The meat was great quality, but I found the execution lacking.  Under-seasoned, not finished with butter which is a personal preference to keep the meat moist and velvety.  We basically had a cross section of every cow on the planet, and I find the overly aged meats are too strong on the roquefort tones for my personal taste.  Regardless, good times.

Also, a nice look at the aging locker downstairs was an added treat.  I think I will have my wedding here:

Jeff: I boycotted due to over extended jurisdiction of conversation in a prior SOTM. 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Sparks (4): Strip me

Spark(April 2013)

210 E 46th St
New York, NY

SameerPrime Sirloin (rare) - Whoa, way truant on updating this.  So much so that this rating reflects a mere vague memory rather than immediate impressions.  Still fairly consistently my favorite strip in the city...excluding Roberts (see the pun there?).  Hats off to J.B. for experimenting with a non-core steak and peppers dish and then complaining that we did not share enough of our steaks with him.  You make your bed, you eat it too my friend.

Jeff - see above - what a great flavored sirloin.  These guys are consistently flavorful, with tons of great marbling you sense in every bite.  Char kings. They do not disappoint. 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Bills' Food & Drink: Nothing like a $125 steak cooked well done

Bill's (Mar 2013)

57 E 54th St
New York, NY

Sameer: [cow-less] - Rib-eye (medium rare), porterhouse for 2 (rare), delmonico strip (rare) - Jesus, once again a steakhouse fails to meet even the most basic of its functions.  First, Cole's could not deign itself to admit their seating mistake.  Now, Bill's could not cook four (as porterhouse was for two) steaks - yes, count them - FOUR - steaks properly.  We're not talking about the borderline rare spilling into medium rare.  We are talking about a rare strip being cooked medium+.  Nor did they even bother to slice our steaks as requested.  Maybe Jeff's request for letting them rest before slicing threw them off, maybe there was a coincidental mix up with a nearby dude-heavy table that received our actual steaks.  Maybe communism would have panned out.  It's all theoretical bullshit.  The reality was that the waiter was afraid of us by the middle of dinner because they fucked up every possible order.  Sending us additional sides to appease us, even though there was no show from the maitre'd (an absolute disgrace I think), whose solution when I finally requested his presence, was to offer 5 men who just gorged on steaks and additional apps, free dessert.  That's right, 5 men spent $250 on wrongfully cooked steaks and this genius's solution is to provide us a $10 chocolate brownie like we are menstruating sorority girls.  (Editor's note: he did take the steaks off the bill after some polite discussion).

I am not even going to debase myself by reviewing the steaks when 2 hours into dinner they finally arrived properly, except to say they were fine.

1st rule of SOTM club: you DO NOT talk about SOTM club
2nd rule of SOTM club: you DO NOT talk about SOTM club
3rd rule of SOTM club:  you DO NOT go anywhere that has less than 6 months of operating under its belt

Jeff: [zero cows] - at least the restaurant looked nice. Like an uptown Keen's, but less history, and no aptitude for selling  cooked slabs of meat. I love people, you know. I love them and all their foibles and flaws and fears of commitment to other flawed people. so I don't have a problem with people fucking up orders. I don't have a problem with the bus boy bringing our order to the wrong table. It happens, we are human. 

The unforgivable error here is their clumsy remedial course of action.  Make it right, by gods.  Is not the central tenant of hospitality: Measure your apologies in fluid ounces of alcohol?! I know one of us ordered a beer, out of three whiskys, but did we look like tee totalers? Don't whisper in hushed tones to the bus boy that they fucked up and then pray no one notices or complains like a coward. I have received more earnest apologies from a McDonald's clerk that gave me wrong sauce for my chicken mcnuggets. Grab the fucking rudder and steer hard in the right direction, towards competence, towards excellence, towards giving people an honest goddamn meal for their money.  

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Strip House (2): Who knew stripping was this good

Strip House (Feb 2013)

13 E 12th St
New York, NY

Rib-eye (medium rare), Strip (rare), Strip (medium rare) - 

Sameer - share - Strong 2 cow here.  Strip rare was more appealing.  I may be a prick now after so many steak years, but you have to let your meat rest, rookie mistake.  And I mean that in exactly the way you think.  The medium rare strip was sitting in a plate of its own juices (also meant exactly the way you think).  It sounds appetizing, but no dear reader, that just means all the tenderness of the steak is swishing around the plate instead of in my mouth....alright, I didn't even mean that one.

The rib-eye was actually the big winner for me, wonderful flavor and marbling.  Really all the steaks were nicely seasoned, even Krishna our consummate salter, did not reach for the shaker.  I think I am a convert to the rib-eye as my favorite cut.  In fact, our legendary experiences at Sparks for their strip, has me wanting to go back for the rib-eye to see if it can hold its own.

I deducted 1 cow for the fact that we were sitting in the proper restaurant with stuffy old men, instead of the hip lounge whose table would not have fit our steaks, all thanks to Josh.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Cole's Greenwich Village: How to give your customers the middle finger

Cole's Greenwich Village (January 2013)

119 Greenwich Ave
New York, NY

Sameer: No Cow- Strip steak (rare), Burger (medium rare) - Jesus, where do I start.  I will start with the steak because that is what the rating reflects.  Strip was uninspiring, though prepped nicely.  Decent flavor, but lacking texture and the charred exterior.  The burger was actually pretty good.  Like the 3rd day open, so I could be convinced into boosting to a 1 cow out of the goodness of my heart, but not likely.

Maybe I am being unduly harsh on this place because of the seating debacle.  When you try to cram 5 male adults into a booth made for 4 fashion week models, and then have the nutsack to claim the table is actually for 6 people to our faces when the same booth next to us only has 2 people in it, you're going to get hit in the cow department my friend.  We would have been completely pacified if they said, hey we just opened up a few days ago, sorry about this, have a round on us.  Instead of acting like we were idiots who could not comprehend spatial configurations.  Being ass to elbows the entire dinner experience was the subject of much of the conversation, thus detracting from what we should be talking about: chicks.

Also, some friendly advice from a non-restauranteur.  When you have 5 guys chowing down steaks who have already had a round of drinks at the bar (that they waited 20 minutes for), you could probably beef up their bill if you bothered to fucking ask them once in a while if they wanted some more drinks.  1 round of drinks during a 2.5 hr meal is unacceptable.  Having a mixology bar the size of my coffee table to service a dinner time rush in NYC where each artisanal, bitters-laden drink takes 15 minutes to prepare is not going to help your margins.  My prediction: this place is something else within 18 months.

I will thank them for the free round of whiskeys at the END of dinner, because who does not want to down a whiskey right before going to bed.

My bad on this one fellas.